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A small family team, two painted wolves in management and a firm policy against boring. Based in Sarasota, Florida. Ships from the USA.
Ask the management
Cash and Rusty post more than they work. Pick a channel and watch it happen.
Two painted wolves run this place. Loosely. Tap a badge to see their file.
Head of Enthusiasm
Duties. Likes things. He has no other duties and is outstanding at the one he has.
Quirks. Tongue out at all times. Both ears up. Has never once read a label.
Usefulness as a filter. None. He likes everything and is not sorry.
"Is it a blanket? I love it."
Chief Financial Officer
Duties. Handles money. He is not good at it, but he is confident, which he considers the same thing.
Quirks. One ear folded. Eyes half shut on purpose. Turns up at checkout to explain a plan that is already going wrong.
Direct line. cash@thepaintedwolves.com reaches Cash. Same inbox as everyone else. He does not know this.
"Three percent. Final offer."
Voting is open. Voting is fair. Rusty is in charge of the count.
Winner for the 47th month running: Rusty.
Short version. The long one had a wall of text and nobody read it.
We named the store after a wild animal mostly because it sounds cool. It beats "A Small Group of People Designing Random Stuff at Odd Hours".
It means something, annoyingly. The painted wolf is real: Lycaon pictus, the African wild dog. Every coat is a one-off. About six thousand are left in the wild.
Experts say pick one product category. We think that is how you build a forgettable brand. Our only rule: if it has zero chance of being boring, it stays.
We brought in Cash and Rusty to run things. Cash approves almost nothing. Rusty approves everything. Neither has ever been to a meeting.
Stamped: passed Rusty's sniff test. All of them.
Things that are highly unnecessary and completely essential. A black cat on a tarot card who thinks he is in charge. A heavy throw for hiding from the world. Ornaments with your names on.
Everything goes out from within the United States. No surprise import fees.
If it could sit in any other shop, it does not get in. No mass-market filler.
No call center and no chat robot. A real human reads every email.
Wrong, damaged or not as described? Tell us and we sort it. No forms designed to exhaust you.
Cash would like to add something here about our commitment to excellence. He has been asked to sit down. He has submitted an expense report instead.
| Ear fold maintenance | $40.00 |
| Calculator (decorative) | $19.99 |
| Strategy nap, 3 hrs | $90.00 |
| Consulting fee, paid to self | $300.00 |
| Rusty's snacks, confiscated | $12.50 |
| Sunglasses, indoor use only | $25.00 |
| Executive discount | -3% |
| Total claimed | $472.87 |
Denied
Approved by: nobody. Disputed by: Cash.
The Painted Wolves is owned by Alpha Quadrant Holdings LLC, a small family business in Florida. Two humans, two painted wolves in management and one inbox.
Our party crackers are handmade by us in Florida, one box at a time. Everything else is designed by us and picked to pass one test: it cannot be boring.
Shipping is free on every order in the USA. If something arrives wrong, tell us within 30 days and we fix it. The full rules are in our returns policy.
Questions go to info@thepaintedwolves.com. A real person reads it and replies within 1 business day.
Alpha Quadrant Holdings LLC, PO Box 15231, Sarasota, FL 34277, United States
Welcome to the pack. Here is where everyone else went next.
